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"As you push off here, you'll see blue paint here and there on the snow. Try to overrun those benchmarks with your skis. Those marks have been strategically placed to mark a perfect path for your run, plus they'll keep you out of trouble. We have cameramen hidden all the way down the slope, a few even buried in snow banks that you'll pass. If you stick to the blue course we've marked out, you'll pass right by them and we'll get some fabulous shots of you careening down the mountain. We can easily get rid of the blue marks on the snow during editing."I asked, "That's all?" I knew there had to be more. I didn't like the word 'careening.'Mark grinned and said, "Of course not. Behind you will be the six Ninja guys you've been fleeing on skis and snowboards. They'll be carrying semiautomatic handguns and high-powered rifles, and will be shooting at you all the way down the mountain, mostly automatic weapon fire. The guns are rigged to give off high muzzle flash so it'll show for the. ..Yeah, it is a common idiom, isn't it? My ex-wife related plenty of funny stories from her work in the ER that started with a patient uttering those words. Most of the stories, at the time, could have me howling in laughter.So, there I was, minding my own business, when flashing lights in my rear view mirrors let me know I was wanted, though not in a way I would have preferred...I wasn't even speeding, dammit!The smooth contralto voice of the officer still qualified as seductive even when she said "License, registration ... and CAP, please. What is your CAP score, by the way?"I told her "I recall it as 5.8" before sighing and fishing out the items she asked for by touch. She told me -- much later -- that no one she had ever asked qualified the answer with uncertainty. Most people knew it cold and wanted to project that they felt the score was important.This was, incidentally, the first time my CAP card had gotten any fresh air since it had been issued and interred into my wallet. She.
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